Why do liberal graduate students love evolution?

Let's start off by saying that I am a student of the biological sciences and I am well aware that evolution is both elegant and true. However, why is it that my fellow graduate students, particularly those in majors having nothing to do with biology, will shriek to high heaven the moment they catch the slightest whiff of someone who doesn’t believe in evolution? Adding to the confusion is the fact that the vast majority of these shrieking cultists do not have any true understanding of evolution aside from perhaps once overhearing something about natural selection, or “survival of the fittest”, or some shit. Go ahead, voir dire your local computer science graduate student liberal cultist asshole and see just how little he or she knows about evolution. You will find that at best their knowledge rivals that of your average 6^th grader.   

So what’s the deal here? Why does the cultist defend so fiercely the truth of a scientific principle that they have little to no understanding of? The answer is simple; Evolution is actually a cultish “belief” amongst liberals that just happens to be true. It was adopted into the liberal faithful’s bag of beliefs simply because they imagine that those they consider themselves to be superior to believe the opposite. Notice that I said, “imagined” since denial of evolution is not some phenomenon confined only to the right side of the political spectrum or to just those nasty evil evangelicals that the liberal constantly warns us about. In fact a pew poll showed that 39% of Republicans do not believe in evolution and 30% of democrats don’t believe in evolution. So I guess that 9% difference is enough to convince the liberal of their overwhelming superiority over conservatives. However, I digress. The real point is that if you have two people with opposite opinions on a subject that neither of them understand, being right makes you lucky, not smart. In this example, the liberal turned out to be right, not because they are some super-duper smart intellectual, but because they found a position that they could  first apply to those they are bigoted against and then mock them because of it. 

This brings us to global warming. I have no opinion on global warming. Why you ask? Simply because I have never found the time to read a single primary source publication on the subject. This however doesn’t stop the liberal who will dial up his shrieking madness if you dare question global warming.Why does he shriek so violently? The answer is simply that global warming is the Holy Grail that will allow the liberal to force their deranged religion on the entire world.  So they believe it MUST be true. Do you honestly believe that if the scientific consensus on global warming was that it could only be stopped through banning abortion that the liberal would continue to be its champion? Of course not. We already see evidence of this in the fact that the liberal absolutely rejects the idea of geoengineering. 

This brings me to my last point and one that I will talk about extensively in future posts. Within the first month of medical school, I was subjected to an otherworldly fucking stupid round table discussion about complementary and alternative medicine. When I saw this topic listed in the curriculum, I thought it would be a fun little hour of mocking CAM. This was back when I was naïve and didn’t realize that I was swimming in the belly of the liberal cult. What I was actually subjected to was an hour of the cultists all siting around agreeing with each other that CAM wasn’t used because the “corporations wouldn’t allow it”. Are.You.Fucking.Kidding.Me? I attempted to dissent citing that no study had ever shown CAM to have any clinical efficacy. I was welcomed with the following three horseman of the apocalypse of liberal stupidity:

Liberal Cultist #1: “Yes but they are trying to show that it works right now, they just haven’t yet”

                                                [Holy Fucking shit, did she actually just say that??]

Liberal Cultist #2: ”It has been shown to work like a placebo, so it actually does make people feel better so what’s wrong with using it?”

                                [Please somebody punch me in the cock and throw me out back.]

Liberal Cultist #3: “Things like Chinese medicine haven’t been allowed to be shown to be true because Americans think they are superior to all other cultures. The Chinese were a booming civilization when Europeans were still living in caves.”